Aahhhhhh Spring

Spring yard work time. I grab my wheelbarrow and rake and take my dog and off I go to pick up the sticks from the lawn. Hhhmmmmm... Take the dog and pick up sticks.... I didn't thing that through. I'm throwing them in the wheelbarrow and he's pulling them out and running around the house. He's gonna sleep well tonight with four tired legs and a sore ass!

I've almost got Bob's window painting done. I worked long and hard to find a graffiti font. I found the cutest one that was all bubbles letters, so cute! Unfortunately I was told it wasn't real graffiti, so I went back to Mr. Google to find better graffiti. Well I've been on more "Make money by doing nothing" and "Do you wanna f*** this girl" sites than the time I wanted to show Bela what Canadian wild life looks like and I googled "beaver".

sex and poop

Have you ever noticed that people like to talk to me about bodily functions, particularly sex and poop? Yesterday I was talking to a wonderful lady that I love who is in her 80's. She starts telling me about how great sex is and no one ever told her how much fun it is. It isn't just for having babies and getting a man. We talked about the last generation (I kinda thought she was the last generation) and how hung up they were about these things. Her mom never told her anything and her first period came as a confusing surprise to her. I told her how I was told once you tricked a guy into marrying you, you didn't have to have to worry about sex much after that, and sure it's fun when you're young, but once you have a man it isn't anymore. We laughed at our mom's and said if they didn't like it then they were doing something wrong. hahahaha

Betty gives me great hope. So many times we see older people who, even when they seem to be happy, have a sadness or anger about them. Always seeing the negative things, the things gone wrong, or the things that will go wrong if they dare to do something fun or different. Not so with Betty. She is my inspiration! She teases people, smiles, laughs. She is joy even when she's not feeling well. And she loves sex at 80 something! Very cool! You go girl!

Why?

Why is there red wine everywhere, and why is my computer sitting in a puddle of red wine?

Best drugs ever

Ok so my anti depressants weren't really working and i was feeling worse and worse, so I went to the Doctor. She gives me these new ones and says come back in 2 weeks so I can see how you're doing. Fine says I.

I go back yesterday for a check up. These are the best meds ever! I feel great! Just like my old self, better even. I just have these 2 strange things happening. I have a sore throat and my cheeks keep turning red. She looks over at me and sticks a thermometer in my ear. Turns out I have a throat infection and a fever, but I've never been happier! Best drugs ever!!!

What a difference a word makes, eh?

Yesterday when Brian and I were driving around he told me this joke. It left me confused. See if you understand it any better.

A woman had 2 female parents, and all they ever said was "I'm a prostitute. Wanna have a good time?" This embarrassed her so she took them to the local church to see if the priest could help. The priest said no problem, because as it turns out he had 2 male parents with a similar problem. What he did was he taught them to pray, saying the rosary everyday, and everything was good. So they decided to put the woman's parents in with Peter and Frank, the priest's parents. They put them together and the girls said "I'm a prostitute. Wanna have a good time?" And the one guy said to the other, "Put down those beads Frank. Our prayers have been answered.

Now I didn't understand why the woman and the priest both had same sex parents and why those same sex parents wanted to get lucky with each other. I was confused. I just don't get it.

So today we were driving around and Brian asked if he'd told me his parrot joke. I said that I didn't remember but start telling me and I'd stop him if I'd heard it before. It goes like this.

A woman had 2 female parrots, and all they ever said was "I'm a prostitute. Wanna have a good time?" This embarrassed her so she took them to the local church to see if the priest could help. The priest said no problem, because as it turns out he had 2 male parrots with a similar problem. What he did was he taught them to pray, saying the rosary everyday, and everything was good. So they decided to put the woman's parrots in with Peter and Frank, the priest's parrots. They put them together and the girls said "I'm a prostitute. Wanna have a good time?" And the one guy said to the other, "Put down those beads Frank. Our prayers have been answered.

What a difference a word makes, eh?