Lenten Food Lessons (LFL)

For the past few days I've given up any notion I've ever had about eating. No counting, no guilt, just enjoy the blessings of our bounty. It's been really hard! I didn't realise just how hard it would be. It almost kills me to not look at the back of a package to make sure it isn't too calorific. Not that I wouldn't eat it anyway. It kills me to eat bananas and cookies for breakfast and then not eat a full "normal" breakfast to assuage the guilt and cause I should eat proper things. And......what is a normal breakfast anyway, or a normal lunch, or a normal supper? What's right? What's wrong? I just don't know.

I was feeling really lost and confused about the whole thing this morning. Feeling bummed cause I think I've gained weight eating like this, but getting on the scale is one of the no no's of my lenten plan. I was just feeling so lost and confused. Weird eh?

I knew I couldn't go back cause there is not comfort in what was, but what does going forward look like? Nothing left to do but pray. Talk it over with God. I needed to know that things would be alright.

Well I made a pot of tea and put yogurt on my cereal. The cereal was a bit stale as I was munching and I thought, I don't have to eat this. It's stale. Normally I would have probably eaten it. Waste not want not. (What the hell does that mean anyway?) So I put it aside and found a tea biscuit left over from supper. I buttered it up and put a bit of grape jelly on it and savoured every bite. When I was almost done, a small piece fell off. It had a bit of butter on it, but I wanted some jelly on it too, not a ton or anything, but just a drop, so I knocked a bit off of the other part of the biscuit. It landed in a silent little plop that made me smile. When I picked up my last little piece I noticed that the jelly had landed in the shape of a heart, a perfect, glistening, ruby of a heart. and I knew that it would be ok.

God loves me, and He'll see me through the confusion. I need to let go of old, preconceived junk to allow room for the new blessings. I can't accept the present if my hands are full of the past. I'm letting go of the worry and fear for today. Hope of a life spent with You. Amen

ps. Normal people fast during lent, I eat more. I love being me!

Left overs from last post

ok so I told you about my dream and that was fun. Pam suggested if I wanted perky boobs I should get some boob helium or booblium as Fran and Peter and PC and I are now calling it. I wonder what the lady at shopper's drugmart will say when I ask for some booblium? hahaha

So Pam has also inspired me to think about giving up something for lent. This got me thinking , and it seemed quite a challenge for me cause I like all of my stuff. I don't wanna give any of it up. So I'm thinking about this and chatting with God and I thought well I wouldn't mind giving up dieting. hahahaha Then it struck me. I'm aways worrying about my weight and how I look and what I fit into. I'm always reading the info on the back of everything I eat and trying to count calories or points, eat more fruit and veggies less sweets, and guilt guilt guilt cause I just can't seem to do this dieting thing. So I'm giving it up for lent!

Now what exactly does this mean? Well I've been puzzling it out with God's help. This is what I have so far. I have to be conscious of eating. I have to be thankful for what goes into my body. No eating absent mindedly. No eating in front of the tv or computer or while reading or driving. Food is to be enjoyed and cherished. It's a gift. So many have little or no food. I am blessed with an abundance.

And no guilt is allowed while eating or after. If I eat something sweet and huge I have to love every bite and not feel guilty, just thankful. When I start to feel guilt I start to eat faster as if someone was planning on taking my last mouthful, so I have to eat thoughtfully, relishing the gift. If I become full or do not like something I can stop without guilt or fear that I will insult someone.

That's what I have figured out so far. I'm giving up dieting and guilt! Best lent ever!

Dreams and Lent and stuff

Ok so I always am a smidge jealous of Pam and Bob who will talk about"knowing they are dreaming". I never know, and I don't know if I dream in colour or not. Well last week I realised I was in a dream and that around the corner there was something that was gonna scare me really badly. I could sense it's shadow. I realised that I was dreaming and I decided to walk around the corner and not be scared. So I went around the corner and wasn't scared. It was kinda cool.

Last night I was thinking about that when I went to bed and I had this dream. It was epic, but I'll just tell you the cool parts. PC and I were in the old house. We had just had guests and I showed them the roses I'd picked from the garden. There were dark red ones, medium pink ones and some pale pink ones. I remember telling the visitors that the dark coloured ones had held up a lot longer than the lighter coloured ones. Then when we were alone again I looked at the roses and poof they were purple, dark, medium, and light purple. So vibrant, but purple and I remember thinking they sure are pretty, but I thought they were red before. Huh....

Then PC said I'm just talking to your mom on the phone. I said that I thought my mom was dead. He said that ya she was. So you're talking to my dead mother on the phone? Huh...

Then it hit me! I'm dreaming! Cool! So I stood there in the dining room and thought well if this is my dream lets just change things around a bit. First thing first if it's my dream I'm gonna be skinny, so I raised my hands and blooooop I got skinny and just a smidge talker. I went to show PC who was still on the phone, and on the way over I looked at my sorry old lady boobs. Oh no no no they won't do and boing! firm and luscious boobs. This cracked me up and I laughed till I woke myself.

Cool eh? I could see colour and I realised I was dreaming and I manipulated the dream. Very very cool. Now I won't go into the psychology of why I'd rather have firm boobs than talk to my mother whose been gone low these many years. hahahahaha I dream in firm colour!!!!

I had more to tell you but we're going snow shoeing now. Later y'all